I have such cute pictures to post of swim lessons, the kids visit to a safari petting zoo, and other random fun summer activities. However, I just can’t do it. I am truly being tested and I’m truly failing. I know God is in control, but I want to be. I want to magically heal a suicidal family member. I want to make someone apologize and snap out of denial. I want to make people quit enabling. I want to make someone unable to stress out, get sleep, and feel safe. I want to snap my fingers and be joyful. I want to stop worrying, obsessing, controlling, fixing, and stay sane and energetic for my kids. Oh, and I want to make my AC work right now.
When I think the storm has passed, another one comes. When that one passes, the first one comes back. I love the song praise you in this storm by casting crowns but I am unable to understand it today. I don’t feel I can really even pray without getting side tracked into the craziness? I don’t feel I can sew, blog about happy things, paint, or even talk?
I can’t seem to do any of the things I know would help. Ya know, like letting go and letting God. I know everything will work out, but I wouldn’t mind being the director of this soap opera either! I’m back to going through the motions of life but not living. I feel so guilty and frustrated for this because I have been amazingly blessed. This is like a paper cut to so many other people in the world.
I don’t know what I need and google didn’t have any good ideas either. When starbucks, orange tree, or hobby lobby can’t help…it’s a bad day. I’m trying to convince someone to hang in there when I feel I’m barely hanging in there. Feel free to send prayers and encouragement my direction. Feel free to also tell me to stop whining and snap out of it…because I will.
12 comments:
I know that you don't know me (I'm Elizabeth Mullins sister-in-law) however I wanted to say hang in there. I understand how you are feeling and know what it is like to feel sad and out of control. Hug and play with your children, they have a way of making the world seem a little better. I hope that things get better and I will pray for you and all your family.
You are in my prayers, Kayla. I also can empathize. I have all the typical crazy family drama, and it was VERY hard moving to NC with a 3 month old and being lonesome all at once. Then when we figured out we hated it here (took a very short time) we went through all of the stages of grief and we are not at acceptance and are praising God for this situation and waiting on Him to tell us what comes next. No one gets the exact same challenges, but we children of God are in it together. I pray His love cover you and comfort you in these difficult times...
Kayla, I love you and am praying for you. You are a precious person and time and again you amaze me with yours trength, talent and ability. Hang in there. God it good and hindsight is glorious.
Kayla hang in there girl. You are a wonderful friend, mother and person. I will be praying for you. God is good!
Here's why I praise Him in this storm.
God is greater than all of this heartache, and knows the outcome, and has promised us that as long as we as earnestly seek His face and bring glory to Him with our lives, that he has plans for our lives, and plans to give us hope and a future.
Praise God that He is greater than any evil that man can bring about on this earth.
Praise God that you live with your husband in a marriage blessed by God, with beautiful, healthy children.
Praise God that he hears every cry we utter, and that he knows the number of tears we shed.
Praise God that that though we are unworthy, He STILL loves us and provides for us. Praise God that he gave us Jesus, who is our path directly to the heart of God.
Praise God that even though we have no solution whatsoever, God in his infinite wisdom already knows the outcome and will use the situation to show his glory. Even better, God, who does not live by our restrictions of time, has even now, ALREADY solved this situation - in HIS time. The battle, this battle, belongs to the Lord.
We serve an awesome, mighty God.
Much love,
Gina
So sorry to hear you are going through another rough time. I definitely can't say it any better that all the other comments that have been posted on here, but I can let you know that God is faithful and will get you through this! I will be praying that God bless you with peace, patience and answers to all the questions and dilemmas you are facing right now. I have learned through life's struggles that we MUST trust God's timing, because he knows just what we need!! Love and hugs to you!
Kayla, I sent this prayer to Gina the other day. I'm praying it for you, too.
God in Heaven, Creator of the Universe, Healer of broken hearts, and the most Loving Father God, I ask that you shield your precious daughter from all the negative things in her life. Give her peace to focus all of her energies on her family....Wes,Avery,and Zane. Help her to put all the negative things that satan is trying to use to take her mind off of YOU and her mission on earth... to teach her children about YOU....to love her husband.....and to be the daughter of the King and to spread YOUR Kingdom where ever she goes here on this earth. Father God put a hedge of protection about her and keep her healthy in mind and body and also around Wes and the children, too. I pray all of this in Your Sweet Son's name, Amen.
Kayla, I have no words that can heal your spirit, but every time I open God's word He reminds me of who, what, when, where & most importantly why my focus should be on HIM. Hang in there, take a load of expectations off of your shoulders and let others love on you a bit. You are an amazing Mom who does SO much for others. Love you Girl!
Praying, praying, praying for you. Hang in there.
kayla
i totally understand how you feel
one of the best things of our God he wants you to tell him when your upset or frustrated with him and i want you to know your complatly normal what may be a paper cut to some is a major moutain to others
your in my thoughts and prayers
and im in the prossess of moving back and may be we hang out but im always here if you ever need to talk
never feel bad for getting frustrated or scared its very normal you are truly an amazing woman of God and someone i look up to very much
hang in there just remeber to breathe and take things one day at time i know eaiser said than done
i love you
please feel to let me know if you need anything at all
love
marge
Thinking about you... I hope by now the wonderful words of encouragement are healing your heart. When I feel down, I want to know that I am normal and that other people go through the same things even though on the outside they seem to have it all together. I just wanted to tell you that I have days like that. I am a self professed control freak and wish a times I could control the uncontrolable. Most of the time when I feel out of control, it is because I have set expectations for myself that can't be attained. Hang in there, I will be praying for you.
Kayla,
I can't say anything better than all those who have posted before, so I'll just add my name to all those who care about you and are praying for you!!
Post a Comment